Where do bullies come from?

by Michele Arnold on July 29, 2013 · 2 comments

in bullying

Have you ever seen a girl dressed like a hooker and wondered how her mother could let her leave the house dressed like that, and then you saw her mother, dressed the same?

What about bullies?

"Bullies in the school yard"What if the young bullies of this world have parents who are bullies? They take what they learn at home and apply it out in the world. I’m not saying this excuses their behavior, but it is something to consider when all parties concerned sit down together to discuss incidents.

Imagine what it’s like for a child whose parents are psychological bullies:

  • A bully father would tell his son that he’ll never amount to anything. Such a father would make a point of never attending any of the son’s activities.
  • A bully mother would tell her teenage daughter that she needs plastic surgery if she expects a man to marry her.
  • A bully husband would berate his wife, with the dinner guests and children listening, that she didn’t open the red wine soon enough so it could breathe.
  • A bully wife would humiliate her husband in ever so sly ways suggesting that he has not lived up to the expectations she had for him, monetarily, intellectually and/or sexually. These devastating judgments could easily be overheard by the kids.
  • Bully parents would talk openly with their children about physically intimidating the neighbor.

You can see how such a toxic environment would spill over to the school yard.

Editor’s note: For a different take on parenting, check out:

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

JSA Lowe February 3, 2014 at 5:45 pm

I get where you’re going with your intro? But wow, way to demonize/stigmatize sex workers, and be subtly misogynist along the way. I know this is an older post but my mouth flew open when I read that first graf, and I couldn’t just let it slide.

Warren August 22, 2013 at 11:09 am

A personal observation I would share with Michelle’s excellent family overview for ‘bully children’ would be the increased peer pressure within the public school arena.

Teachers learn the basic axiom that children ‘look towards same age peers first, older students second and teachers/administrators last.’

San Antonio is embracing Pre-K programs starting this fall to ‘socialize and prepare younger children’ for school. Sadly, those same parents who might very well fall under Michelle’s list and their ‘appropriate parent peers’ aren’t publically included in the program. Whether it’s a lack of English speaking households, non availability of parents during program hours or other reasons, without parent involvement a sound program might engender a negative connotation of ‘Big Brother.’

Old adage, ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ was based on the basic family unit and community/or religious intervention when needed. Without family interactions, the village relegated to ‘uninhabited or company town.’

Good article Michelle, perhaps a few readers will add ‘bully’ to their ‘civic action list’ for the next election cycle for school board membership or parent activities.

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